 Tuesday, March 31, 2009 @ 11:25 PMupdate on my week?
gosh. i can't believe what just happened today.
i feel really bad. this entire week has been really draining for me. i've been sleeping past 12midnight, just to get some crappy work done. and the next day is like HELL for me. i just can't stay awake. and i have to say that i'm being really cranky these few days. today,i can't believe i flared up at my mother. she came back from work and things just did not work well for me, because i felt she was like doting on my elder brother more than she does on me and my younger brother. and it was really unfair for her too because she did not get to explain her side of the story. now she is locked inside her room moping while i sit here, in my room, recollecting about the mistakes i've made. gosh. how dumb can i be. God, i hope i can really be the girl whom you want me to be ... and not somebody who seems unworthy of being called your creation. just help me live life through your eyes ... instead of always jumping into conclusions. i know i haven't been going to church for quite some time, but i've made a promise to glorianne ... that i will attend cell group again with her. but this time, we're like making sure the cell group is somewhere in tampines ... makes the journey a whole lot easier. after what i've been through for the past few days ... (especially a huge incident on sunday ...) i want to thank God for giving me strength to actually pull through and not think of the past. and that is how i am able to go to school and be merry with my other group of friends. i love 09a12. i love my friends from ahs. i love my family. i love my relatives. (glorianney!) and i love God for helping me through this week. even though things may look bleak, i believe that with God, i am able to pull through any circumstances i meet. even if my friends leave me in a ditch (which i know most of them won't do so ... hahaha), i believe that i have God to pick me up:D from now onwards, i'm living my life as a new vanessa. no more the old and unrealiable one ... but a new and more trustworthy and affable one:D for that, i've to thank a few ppl ... 09a12 - being so enthu in whatever they do. eunice - for being the matured one whom i can lean on. adeline - for being the most random one to crap to:D family - for always being there for me. jasmine blundell - for actually calling me time&time again to make sure i'm fine^^ vino - for being that girl who listens to everything i've to say. jp - for perking my day with his lame, useless jokes. satish - for telling me lame stuff to cheer me up. christina - for smsing me, encouraging me, even though she's working -.-" felicia lim - for taking her time off, to listen to what i've to say. glorianne - for giving me the most support and most high moments:D SLURPEE~ God - giving me the strength to pull through. and ohmygosh .. i love my mafia peeps~ adeline, jp, jasmine.b, vino, satish, charlton, dom(?), joel ... you guys are beyond awesome-ness! love you guys to bits:DDDDDDDD ja ne~ <3 |
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Sunday, March 29, 2009 @ 11:45 PM nothing can be done~
gosh life's fragrances do not exist
as agreed to my dear friend's speech ... of the life stinkiness and bough that sucks our zest ... i believe that none is done to salvage the lost of the most. since you don't seem to treasure our friendship ... i don't see a reason to go on anymore. |
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Saturday, March 14, 2009 @ 1:11 PM stressed out?
ohman...
i feel really stressed out right now ... i mean ... with everything that is happening, my mind will just go blank some times. i don't think i can even think straight. first stop ... my cca. gawd, i just got scolded just because i wanted to clarify something ... then my leader thought i was slacking off and etc. she was like "have you read even one of emails since cca started?!i've repeated myself in at least 2 of the emails ... blahblahblah." i was like "i'm sorry ... i couldn't find the time to read those emails." i'm like trying my best to catch up with the lessons and now about cca ... man ... i've already told my leader that i won't be able to put this cca as my first priority and she said she understood ... well ... i don't think so. many ppl think that vjc is just full of fun and games ... but behind that facade ... everybody is super hiong about anything and everything ... studies, cca, councils, sports. i mean they even have this stupid mock napfa which if you don't get a silver for it, you will practically have to attend this 3rd period pe every week which ends at a bloody 5.25pm. you can see how hiong they are in sports. if you were to stand outside of vjc, of course you can't see how rush victorians are. but if you were to step in, be it in the canteen, concourse, library, even at the garden, everybody will be burried in their books. so throw away any assumption that you think victorians only know how to play ... they are like freaking hard-core muggers. worse still, there are some ppl who seem happy-go-lucky on the outside, but inside, they're practically stressed out by various things. these ppl are the scariest. you've no idea when they will blow. so let me get this straight ... half of vjc population of students are outright muggers, they mug in front of everybody. the other half of vjc are closet muggers, they study super hiong at home, but in school they seem playful. but a 100% of vjc students are really mugging. so if you were to expect a happy-go-lucky person to fit in straight away ... well i think there might be a problem. true enough, i admit that i'm a closet mugger ... and right now, i'm feeling REALLY stressed out. come on ... back in ahs, i had absolutely no commitments whatsoever. i just come and go as i please. i pon cca practically for 3 years! so now ... trying to adjust myself to commit is just very hard... because jc life is tougher than sec sch life. more homework, more this and more that ... and you expect someone like me (who has never commit myself to anything) to commit my 100% to a cca (which the leader just scolded me for trying to clarify about something) ... this is freaking impossible ... i should have just joined japanese club ... where everything is all cotton and clouds. all those who have a million and one commitments and still find life enjoyable ... you have my admiration and respect ... because unlike you, i'm just someone who is trying to readjust myself properly ... and yet find life a total living hell. second stop. many things are happening in class, and even though i'm not the root of the messes, i found myself somehow being dragged into it. day after day, i try to help my friend solve THAT ONE HUGE PROBLEM which is affecting her like crazy ... but to no avail. i mean this is like dragging down my self esteem as a friend. i wanna help her, but there is nothing i can do about it! it's like wth. and the guy isn't helping at all .... oh no .. in fact he seems to be enjoying life to the fullest. wow. if only jerks like him was gay, then the woman population would be so much happier. i don't mean to judge ... but i really think that he deserves a thousand deaths ... ohno. make that infinite. outright, he seems like a nice guy .. so caring... so sweet.. but the things he has done is really unthinkable. to treat him like a normal friend is really unfair for my friend ... but to treat him as an outcast is not justifiable. so what to do? i'm just stuck as a middle man. my feet are threaded two different boats ... and both boats are drifting apart ... which to choose? time is just slowly ticking away ... what to do? who the hell cares? my only option now is to not choose anything but to tuck my feet away and drown. 3rd stop. as you know, both my parents are working and some times walking back into an empty house is really not encouraging at all. my younger brother feels the same way too. most of the weekends, i spent my days with my two brothers (sometimes with joshua's girlfriend if she's with us ...) eating cup noodles, or ordering macs delivery. i mean we try to make things more lively between us ... like the three/four of us watching a movie together ... or even playing games together. but as you know ... if genevie is here ... then joshua will spend most of his time entertaining her ... (it's not a bad thing ... i think lovers should spend more time together^^) and joel and i will be left alone ... so we will either play 360 together or just do homework together. i'm glad that i'm close to joel ... because i can confide my problems with him ... but then... without having my parents around ... it makes me feel uneasy. because i will sometimes wonder why are they out so late ... or why are they taking such a long time to return home ... i mean ... i will have this really bad feeling in me ... but i don't want to stop my mother from working . she has found her ideal job in raffles hotel, and i don't want to spoil it for her. and my dad ... he has been in an accident once ... but thank goodness it wasn't serious ... so whenever he takes a long time to come home ... i'll start thinking the worse ... joshua may seem like he doesn't care ... but he actually does inside. like that time there was this really weird phonecall concerning my mother, joshua was like quite pissed off at the caller and he was like "who the f are you ..." and i can tell that he was really frantic at that time. so it's like my family is really really messy in personalities and emotions. sighs* don't feel like blogging anymore ... shall just go to sleep. toodles~ |
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Wednesday, March 11, 2009 @ 12:58 PM randomness~
currently still in vjc; slacking in the computer lab.
but i found this really awesome website. and here it is. http://hairstyle.sighvogue.com/ anyways, i still think my previous post was awesome! <3 |
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Tuesday, March 10, 2009 @ 9:44 PM to the one who loves to act cute but doesn't admit it.
seriously ...
some people just don't know when to quit. some people just won't f*cking admit that they're acting cute (what's worse is that they still can say "thank goodness i don't act cute"). what the f?! when people tell them that they're acting cute ... they will just shout the f word back and say "what the hell do you know?!" just got off the msn with that f*cking person who still thinks she doesn't act cute. well newsflash! i think your dressing sucks and your sense of fashion is totally out of this world ... in fact, you look like you dress from hell! some people just won't take a hint even if it drops on their head like a meteor! GAWD. my eyes are not being spared from such a horror. alright ... to ease on everybody's suspense .. that person is stephanie from mjc. dude ... my friends like say she looks like a bulldog squeezed through a pipe ... she looks like a car just ran over her face a million times and she looks like she just got out from a f*cked up plastic surgery. and she still thinks she looks PRETTY .. she still thinks she looks CUTE ... *coughs out blood* serious man ... you look like SHYTE! don't know what that looks like? go answer nature's call and take a peep into the canhole! it's like looking into a mirror!!! man ... i know i don't look pretty/beautiful ... at least i don't fake it. i just be myself .. (no wonder guys shun her like she is a virus) *ahems* so anyways .... many of my guy friends like said even more mean stuff than i did ... they said that even if she's skinny, she looked fugly ... (fat and ugly) even if she is the last girl on earth, they would rather be gay (and end the human race) than to be with her etc ... and the reason why i'm so pissed off is that she has been bad mouthing about me for so long ... and i didn't know anything until my close friend told me. then i was like "WTF?!" it's like i thought during those sec school years, we just gave each other the cold shoulder ... sure i did gossiped about her .. but the way she insulted me was f*cking rude. so i totally agree with my guy friends and she doesn't deserve a single sympathy of mine at all! here are some of the stuff they said which i thought was so true ... "she totally admires miss.cheong and aspire to be an awesome spinster like her." "her face is so saggy that even those with failed botox operations look better than her." "her doll fringe is pirated and she most likely cut it in china where fake goods thrived." "she is so skinny like a stick that her chest isn't the airport runway, but more like the sinking seabed under the ocean." "the way she dresses is so blinding, that even the blind will die of blindness." "she badmouths people like it's her hobby but she doesn't realise that ppl too love badmouthing her as a hobby .. that's how ignorant she is ... because all she thinks is that the world only revolves around her." "when guys see her, they would become gay straight away." "she is literally a walking nightmare." "if pink suits her ... then i think all the guys in the world look good in pink." "the fact that she likes pink, is like a huge disgrace to paris hilton." well i can't remember the rest of what they said ... but i will definitely update once i recalled the rest. haha. i had a GREAT laugh:D (i thought i should bold the ones on top.teehee) toodles~ |
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